First time mummy to a nearly 22 month old I’m feeling like I’ve fallen a little too far into the deep chasm of motherhood. Having recently made an attempt at clambering out of the abyss of nursery rhymes,toys, and all things toddler, I have discovered it isn’t as easy to go back to the old me as I thought.
On recent child-free evenings out, I have come to the conclusion that it doesn’t matter how nice my dress is, how much time I spend preening myself, how much alcohol I do or don’t consume, I still can’t find her, he old me, the fun silly side of me that is more affectionately referred to as Trig. Refer to my previous post to find out why.
This Sunday just gone, at a birthday meal for one of my ex work colleagues (and now good friends), I met two lovely new girls who have started working in the pharmacy department since my departure. Myself and two of my other friends/ex colleagues, found ourselves reminiscing about the good old times and detailing the fun nights out we had enjoyed. The new girls took this on board and shared tales of their drunken exploits also.
It was at this point I realised that this crazy, fun gal that we were talking of, had not been present at any event since George’s birth. I’d been on several hen nights, girls nights and wedding receptions since becoming a mum, but had either felt ill from the effect of the alcohol before it achieved any level of merriment. Otherwise I had yawned my way through the event, pining after my bed. I just couldn’t shake that feeling of being too sensible and was unable to switch off from my role as the rule enforcing mummy.
As I pondered this thought it was then that the revelation hit me, I’ve lost my mojo! Feeling rather empowered but confused by this realisation, I felt the need to announce to the new girls that they mustn’t look forward to a night out with me as I’m no longer this fun person.
I’m known for telling it like it is, but when I used this opportunity to declare that my mojo must’ve fallen out of my vagina when I gave birth to George, I feel that the Archers and lemonade had maybe got the better of me. Back tracking (after I realised I actually gave birth via an emergency c section) ,I then proclaimed that my mojo cannot have possibly escaped in this way and rather it must’ve been taken during the section. After all, they inserted an ibuprofen suppository into my bum hole without my knowledge.
As the table of 14 (thankfully all women) did a double take, it was at this point I realised that the old ‘Trig’ was still inside me. She just needed to shout a little louder to be noticed now the Georgeous has taken over her life. I have since felt determined to “find my mojo”, embrace it, and proudly raise my son without letting the easy going, fun loving side of me disappear.
We undoubtedly change when we become parents but the key is to be happy with who we are regardless and enjoy life. It can be over before you know it so be as silly or as sensible as you please.
Until next time……